I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
