That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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