Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
