had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
