i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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