It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
