Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
