haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
