It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
