ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
