He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
