ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
