coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
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