your room smells of hookers.
And success
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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