It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
