Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
