Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
