you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
