If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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