i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also, beer. Big fan.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
