Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
