i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
