Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
