1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
