Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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