someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
