I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
