maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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