I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
