Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
