I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
