Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
