i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
