you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
