Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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