Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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