tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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