i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
