i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
