i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
