am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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