I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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