Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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