the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
