I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
