Little spoons don't ask big questions
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
