Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
