Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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