...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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