last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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