so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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