and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
