Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
