just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
